My secret is that I do not really know what I am doing with myself... but I pretend I know exactly what I am doing. For example, the sex hotel: a promise I made to friends, and admittedly an enjoyable project to spend my time on. In actuality, the sex hotel itself is not that important to me--at least, in the way I portrayed myself when I demanded an end to public sex.
You must be really good at acting... But I suppose you might be doing something right. Whatever that thing is.
[He's trying to come across as someone who still accepts her for what she is. After all, the bond is too strong. He can't see himself drifting off from her after a revelation like that.]
I think I feel the same about myself, but I'll tell you my secret... I don't want to remember much more than I already do.
Not that I'm not curious about myself, but... You might have seen the last memory. The one where I was holding a rigged seance with C and some others? I've been informed that the girl being used as the medium had been killed during the seance... And though I feigned innocence after the fact, I remember the horrid thought running through my mind before it happened.
[He wavers... But he doesn't break just yet.] I don't know what sort of person would just kill someone they wanted to befriend, but I'm afraid I'll turn into a monster if I keep taking in more memories. So, I've been refraining.
... Not quite. But you see, I must be a different person now than I was then, and from what I can tell, who I was then was not a pleasant person to be around. The more I recover my old memories, the more of my former self I would become...
[He pauses...] There's analogy involving a rather old ship. As the body breaks down, new parts must be ordered to replace that ship. Eventually, so many new parts have replaced the old parts you begin to question if this is the same ship it was before all the repairs...
Now imagine that in reverse. Do you understand some of my concern?
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Silence
Date: 2019-10-13 07:46 pm (UTC)Re: Silence
Date: 2019-10-13 07:59 pm (UTC)We can swap secrets?
no subject
Date: 2019-10-13 08:03 pm (UTC)But you go first.
no subject
Date: 2019-10-13 08:32 pm (UTC)Really?
[pauses]
My secret is that I do not really know what I am doing with myself... but I pretend I know exactly what I am doing. For example, the sex hotel: a promise I made to friends, and admittedly an enjoyable project to spend my time on. In actuality, the sex hotel itself is not that important to me--at least, in the way I portrayed myself when I demanded an end to public sex.
CW: murder talk
Date: 2019-10-13 10:19 pm (UTC)You must be really good at acting... But I suppose you might be doing something right. Whatever that thing is.
[He's trying to come across as someone who still accepts her for what she is. After all, the bond is too strong. He can't see himself drifting off from her after a revelation like that.]
I think I feel the same about myself, but I'll tell you my secret... I don't want to remember much more than I already do.
Not that I'm not curious about myself, but... You might have seen the last memory. The one where I was holding a rigged seance with C and some others? I've been informed that the girl being used as the medium had been killed during the seance... And though I feigned innocence after the fact, I remember the horrid thought running through my mind before it happened.
[He wavers... But he doesn't break just yet.] I don't know what sort of person would just kill someone they wanted to befriend, but I'm afraid I'll turn into a monster if I keep taking in more memories. So, I've been refraining.
Re: CW: murder talk
Date: 2019-10-13 10:24 pm (UTC)Do not call it acting--...
[but then, she's surprised by this revelation]
I... is that so. Do you really think you will lose control of yourself with every memory you take?
Re: CW: murder talk
Date: 2019-10-13 10:42 pm (UTC)[But moving on to her question...]
... Not quite. But you see, I must be a different person now than I was then, and from what I can tell, who I was then was not a pleasant person to be around. The more I recover my old memories, the more of my former self I would become...
[He pauses...] There's analogy involving a rather old ship. As the body breaks down, new parts must be ordered to replace that ship. Eventually, so many new parts have replaced the old parts you begin to question if this is the same ship it was before all the repairs...
Now imagine that in reverse. Do you understand some of my concern?